Cooking for Boys: Anti-Freezer Pizza

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Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some freezer pizza. I love it. Jack’s, Tombstone, DiGornio, I love em’ all. Get in my face! But some times I gotta branch out. Stretch my food legs ya know. There’s a time and a place for everything, and freezer pizza fills many food voids. It’s great for the really hungry, but really lazy, or the really drunk, or really tired. One food void that freezer pizza does not fill, is for the really hungry, but really bad ass. And it just so happens, that’s how we roll (in our minds).

Now in case you haven’t heard, boys really love pizza. Ever since they popped out the womb they want it. Little boys get fed pizza in their high chairs. If you ask any 5 year old boy what their favorite food is 9 times outa 10… he will scream “pizza!” All the rest will say they love to eat dinosaurs, or ninjas or boogers or something. So in my adventures in cooking for boys I have to make some pizza. It seems only right.

Now a long time ago, Dave informed me (because he’s huge dumb ass) that for boys, sex is like pizza. There are many different ways to do it, and some people like one way more than another, but for the most part, it’s all good. Encouraging, right ladies?!?! He’s alllllllll mine girls, back off! Sigh… Any Hoo, I wanted to make a pizza that boys would love, but not want to love. Sorta like the fresh neo soul music of Justin Timberlake or Adele (you know you like it, don’t lie). I wanted to bake a Pizza with…wait for it….wait for it…NO MEAT!!!!

Gasp…I know!

So here’s 2 recipes for 2 pizzas that lasted for about 2 seconds on the counter after I pulled them out the oven. I had a house full of hard work’n construction types that left no traces of their existence, and nothing in either pie ever had a pulse. Take that meaty freezer pizza SUCKAAAAAS!!!

Pizza Number One: Goat Cheese and Spinach

Part I: Make the dough. Ok so you don’t have to make the dough. You can easily just go buy some pre-made pizza dough at the store. But don’t do that. Don’t be lame. Don’t say you’re going to make homemade pizza but then go out and buy the crust. Don’t be that guy. Just make the dough, it’s totally worth it!

For the dough:

* 1 3/4 – 2 1/4 cups flour

* 1 envelope pizza crust yeast

* 1 1/2 teaspoons sugar

* 3/4 teaspoon salt

* 2/3 cup warm water

* 3 Tablespoons oil

Combine 1 cup flour, yeast, sugar and salt in a bowl. Add warm water and oil and mix well until all of the dry ingredients are all friendly with each other. Gradually add enough flour to form a soft but sticky dough. Knead on a floured surface until smooth and elastic. Then, with floured hands, pat out the dough to fill a greased baking pan or pizza pan. Make sure that the dough is a even thickness.

Part II: The toppings.

Paint on 2 Tablespoons of olive oil on the dough. Then evenly spread your pizza sauce around the dough, leaving about 1/2 inch space for the crust. Pile on a handful of fresh baby spinach, mozzarella and goat cheese. Again, I used local goat cheese from Baetje Farms because I have a foodie crush on them. Once the pizza is assembled, bake at 425 for about 12 minutes.

homemade goat cheese and spinach pizza
Goat Cheese and Spinach Pizza

Pizza Number Two: Peach Balsamic. It’s time to get fancy.

Start out by making the balsamic reduction. Pour one cup balsamic vinegar into a small sauce pan and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Simmer until the balsamic has reduced to about 1/4 cup (about 20 mins). Set aside and let it cool.

Meanwhile, make your pizza dough (same dough as before) and thinly slice about 4 peaches.

When you’re all good and ready, lightly brush the dough with olive oil. Top with mozzarella cheese, goat cheese and peach slices. Drizzle the pizza with the balsamic reduction and pop it into the oven. Bake until crust is golden brown and cheese is all melty. Take it out of the oven and sprinkle some freshly chopped basil on top.

And there you have a pizza that health nut or a hard working construction dude can appreciate. And maybe even make him feel like a fancy pants.

Homemade peach balsamic pizza
Peach Balsamic Pizza

I was going to make a third pizza but it was getting late and we had a microwave to blow up. No seriously… we blew up our microwave.

So there you have it. Two delicious and easy homemade pizzas that have never seen the likes of a freezer, yet are still able to satisfy the hunger needs of boys. Taaaaaaa daaaaaaaa!!!!!


2 Responses

  1. June 21, 2013

    Oh my gosh, your pizzas look delicious. Love the different combinations of flavors and I love that you got the boys to enjoy pizza without meat! I make a lot of homemade pizza around here so I’ll have to try these soon. We actually just had pizza last night!

    PS – Your writing cracks me up!

  2. June 21, 2013

    Thanks Tammy! We’ll have to do a pizza recipe exchange sometime, I’m always looking for new flavor ideas.. gotta keep the boys guessing, ya’know? 🙂

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